~Holy Frijoles (free-ho-leez)...Egg Slide Shuffle~~

~~ Holy Frijoles!! What a crappy week~

.. No I mean a collossal horrific week... one to forget cause it was just too overwhelming.One where you just can't fathom it getting any worse? Found out we owe Uncle Sam a big chunk of change, a new truck cause the work truck died while on the job and big jobs that aren't paying very fast while the bills are piling up. Feels like a ticking bomb...

Big Hoot is my science/math fella and has the natural born ability to come up with the zaniest and most convincing (in his mind) set of percentages/figures this side of the sun. He is in fact our very own Cliff Claven. And I honestly wonder what the odds are of all this stuff happening a this moment.

Big Hoot was sick and stayed home. Only to find out he wasn't really That sick and was capable of driving me nuts while Little Hoot was slaving away at school. I was blessed with Another debilitating migraine. I am about as good at clocking their frequency as my labor instructor was sharing how often the pain breaks would come during childbirth. Hello Mother Earth Birkenstock instructor.. I'm still waiting on those contraction breaks. Cause with 2 inductions & that evil pitocin drug that never happened! Just as these headaches are hitting. The Mega Lotto hit almost a billion $$ last wk. Had I won, the first thang I woulda done was run to my neurologist and beg her to stab me with those botox needles in my head for relief. And I don't like needles. But I do cherish the ability to raise my head off a pillow every now and then.

My head is throbbing and I somehow remember in my painful fog that I need to thaw out some meat from the freezer in the garage for supper. I trudge to the door and open it. The smell hit me immediately. Had I been smarter, I would have said "Delivery tonight for supper", slammed the door and left well enough alone. But, I didn't. Instead I look down and see the most disgusting purple & bloody liquidy mess on the floor. And the freezer door was open.. a package of steak had fallen and caused the door to stay open. I could have cried. After weeks of diligently shopping sales to stock up that thing.. and it was almost a complete loss. And I woulda cried had if head was not already performing a percussional performance.

So I set out with bleach, bucket and mops and begin the process of cleaning this tragic mess. Along with the nasty soured blood there were HUGE bags of blueberries and mixed berries that had tumped over. And all I could think about was.. "Ok.. Jesus this would be a most wonderful moment for you to decide to come back to earth". "No really, I mean Right Now!" "I'm oh so ready".

I thought I was a very bright chick when I read how you can freeze uncooked eggs. And the healthy market I frequent had a marvelous sale on organic eggs. So I bought 8 dozen..cause hey.. for $1.88/doz. was a remarkable sale. And I'm thinking I'm a remarkable and smart chick so I will stock up.
Only to find that all the Hoots howled when they ate the cooked eggs. Something bout the nasty consistency. So I didn't even bother taking them out of the ice cube trays and putting them into freezer bags. To hell with them. The egg hasn't been my friend since my first pregnancy. It nauseated beyond belief to the pt. I had to banish them until Big Hoot was born. Just the smell of an egg cooking can still make me gag even today. Not all the time.. but on most days.

I'm working really hard trying to clean up this God awful mess. I'm gagging, my head is killing me and my body is dizzy. What a sight I was. I'm almost finished when I decided to bring the ice cube trays w/the thawed and stinkin' eggs into the house and into the dishwasher. And I Almost made it. Until my foot missed the step and all those slimey trays came crashing down on me and all over that concrete floor. I only Thought I wanted to cry and scream for Jesus to return before This happened. What was I thinking. Silly me. that was nuthin' compared to this new mess.

So I'm scooping, and gagging.. scooping and gagging. And I couldn't even touch my head if I wanted to. And then a movie/book scene flashed into my mind in which I could relate.

And this gem of work. The scene where Vivienne (Ashley Judd) is overwhelmed beyond belief when all five young kids get a virus and the first one comes in the room and tell her he's feeling sick. So she rushed him into the bathroom where he immediately throws up. He's still sick and child #2 enters and she barely gets that one onto the toilet cause of the runs. Then enters #3 where the bathtub is utilized. All the kids are sick and she just wants to die.. right then, right there.. before she loses it..

And so this is how I felt too at this moment while scoopin' up slimey, nasty
and soured egg yolks off that concrete floor. After the last egg yolk was gathered I grabbed my mop and bucket, turned off the light and slammed the door and said "To hell with it!!"

After a very long and very hot shower we proceed to the grocery store so we can use the meat I could salvage. And when we return the kids run off to play while I start putting up the groceries.

2 homemade lasagnas
2 chili mac casseroles
1 tator tot casserole
folled by 1 enchilada casserole
...Later...

Days before all this madness my cell phone had a little freak accident and ended up in Pooch Hoot's cup of water in my car. And that was the tragic death of my alarm clock, watch and communication tool. RIP little buddy.

The trip to acquire new phones was crazy. And we honestly can't understand why Verizon refused to work a deal that we could both agree upon. We had only been with 'them' since they were that nifty little company called PrimeCo.. that little blobby alien mascot. Heck, we've been with them so dang long most people have not a clue as to what I am referring to. So off to the confusing land of wireless.

I experienced something I never thought would happen. And I can actually say it was all because of my migraine & the fact that too much time had passed and I didn't have my phone as a clock. I scored a DEAL w/an Indian (yes from India or Pakistan or somewhere). It amazes me..and Big Big Hoot!! In my other life many many moons ago, the role was reversed and my customers would drive me insane begging me for better deals and haggling till I wanted to throw up. So yea!! Score one for the migraine. woo hoo~

This is the part when you know the business with the eggs just isn't over. No!! Not ever for this child. I went to put the groceries into the freezer.

Wait for it....

Wait for it...

You know it's coming...

You know it's INEVITABLE

Especially since you already know about my treadmill ordeal at the Y...
http://diaryofadumbass.blogspot.com
June 10th The latest and greatest title

My flip flops hit that floor in all that hideous egg slime and I went flying. But not before dancing this Steve Martinlike slide and scraping
my elbow in two places (and mind you that takes some great talent), scraping my knee and landing hear in all that slime. Both feet hurt and I have a minor sprain in one ankle while the other one aches as well. Oh how the bruises will shine...
However, amazingly my hands never let go that that prized package that was destined for the freezer.

And that my friends is how you do the Egg Slime Shuffle!!

On a side note: To the family or individual who egged our home.. Thanks!!
thank you from the very bottom of my heart and egg slimed britches.
You surprised us and left us with the most delish and coveted choc. candies that arrived in a big Easter egg. That one gesture meant so much to me. It brought smiles, wonder and laughter back into my very crazy week.
(* a giant egg was left at our doorstep with a note explaining we had Been Egged and to go out and egg two other unsuspecting homes) What an adorable and loving gesture!!

And for the record.. I threw a pc of fabric over that damn slime with my precious flip flops encased in that nasty crap and I still have no energy to clean that mess up or reclaim my pride.

Hell.. who am I kiddin'? I lost that pride thing eons ago.
And so you all share in my ridiculous glory
I have discovered that there jsut isn't No End, no foreseeable limit to the ways in which I can completely humiliate and harm myself. Jesus, please come and save me from myself...
No none~~

~~$100.00~~

Received this in an email..
thought I'd share....

It's a slow day in the small town of Pumphandle and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

(Stay with this.....and pay attention)



The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.

The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel Owner.

(Almost done...keep reading)


The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town now thinks that they are out of debt and there is a false atmosphere of optimism and glee.

And that, my friends, is how a "stimulus package" works!

~~Sweet Jesus, Send HASMAT & Go Fly a Kite~~

What a weekend..
One of our busier around here. I don't usually blog about our
day to day.. but sometimes you just need to hoot a little.

My Hoots came home after school to home baked cupcakes for Dr. Suess' Birthday. I really wanted to do something so the kids might remember why I thought he was so important to kids and adults. Big Hoot came home howling bout how nasty the school's green eggs and ham were at breakfast. He was very appreciative of my version he had eaten at breakfast. Little Hoot stuck her nose up at mine and then had to face the cafeteria. She gets there and their "green" was SPINACH!! Bahaha!! Too funny.. And who said our schools aren't serving healthy food? She suffered by picking and pushing the greens away.

Friday night kicked off the weekend with an incredible service featuring the author of "Heaven is for Real", Todd Burpo. His son almost died when he was 3 from a burst appendix that didn't receive surgery for 5 days!! Colton Burpo is a miracle child. And he returned with such an incredible story that his father was literally forced to write a book about it. Their testimony and story are incredible. And the author is so incredibly Humble, Honest & Loyal. He never wanted to write this book and with reluctance wrote down what his son had told him about heaven. He found himself in a very unusual situation in that he's a very small town preacher in Nebraska. And now his son comes back and is telling him exactly what he experienced, what heaven was like and that he met Jesus, John the Baptist, his great grandfather and a sister/daughter they never knew they had. Colton was describing mind blowing details and he was telling them to his father. The child became the teacher and his preacher dad became the student.

The father had so many questions of Colton. And one of the biggest was what did Jesus really look like? They would look at pictures and Colton would tell his dad what was wrong with the image. After hundreds of these viewings a habit had formed. Then one day the two came across an image from someone they had never met. Colton was spellbound when he saw it. His dad asked him what was wrong with this one (as was their habit) and Colton replied.. "No Dad, this is it.. this is what Jesus looks like".

Pastor Dad stood in amazement. They later learned that the picture was created by an 8 yr old girl! And she had been experiencing visions for awhile. Her parents were atheist at the time. So she had no history or idea of who Jesus was. Her parents are no longer non believers. And Todd Burpo said that people who have claimed to have an afterlife experience similar to that of his son, all claim that this image is right on. One word from my lips: Amazing!!


Saturday we awoke with a long list of house cleaning, playing and errands. The kids started a new program so they will become responsible Hoots and can earn a pay check. No allowance around this nest. A program to show them how the 'real world works'...

We are days away from the official kick off of Spring. And in Central Texas it's a bittersweet event for us allergy sufferers. The beautiful blooming flowers & trees are so wonderful. And the cool weather won't get any betta than this. And yet I gotta enjoy it in increments so I can at least breathe half way. The yard is filled with the yummy sweet smell of our blessed Mountain Laurels. They grow so dang slow and can be temperamental. But ours have hung on thankfully.. the ones that have survived.

Little Hoot claims that the Red Bud is her tree. And she gets so sad when the blooms fade since her favorite color is pink and they last for such a short time. The tree is blasted with PINK right now..

Big Hoot had an invitation to go with one of his best friends to a kite festival. The Zilker Kite Festival has been going on since the 1020's and there were over 10,000 people there today. He had a blast. It was warm and quite windy.. the best weather for flying kites. When he returned he showed us all how much he has learned. Big Hoot is a natural. He even managed to get his kite out of one of our many trees.

Litte Hoot and I decided TODAY was The DAY. The day we tackled her room.
She actually worked really hard. Hooten Nanny is not a neat freak.. oh far from it. But Little Hoot has a natural born gift of beyond messy. I started to sweat and almost lost it at one point. Hooten Nanny is known far an wide in family folklore of her long lost EAster Basket filled with hard boiled and decorated prized eggs in the back of her bedroom closet when she was about the age of Big Hoot. And yes, family history has it that is was in the depths of Summer when the lost basket was found. Today, I honestly was thinking HASMAT would have to come and help us in our project. I still gag if I think about it for very long..

And Papa Hoot was an absolute angel the past two weekends. Would you just look and see what he presented to me this evening? I can almost cry. My garden is now ready for me to plant my veggies this week. And I only pulled weeds for about 30 minutes last Sunday. The before picture was awful.. I think we will have hauled away about 3 huge plastic barrells (sp)
..I'm so tired.. I'm not even gonna look up that correct spelling! =D It's my blog and I can do that~ Today, I am especially thankful that Papa Hoots is so fast and talented with the earth. Woot Woot!! I know what I'm gonna be doing tomorrow..

I sure hope my garden grows as well as Big Hoot's cabbage project he has going for school. He's been tending to it quite well. It even gave him the idea to grow a plant in his room. Looks like the cabbage didn't fall to far from Papa Hoot in that talent. =D

Whew!! That's just a little bit. A happy heart, enthusiastic Little Hoots and a tired Papa Hoot from this weekend.

That just about covers it for now..

~~Why Yes WE Like Them..Sam I Am~~

Oh, the Places You'll Go!
by Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

Happy Hootin' Birthday to Dr. Seuss

I tip my hat.. ...
I mean your hat
to you in gratitude
For you are one of my heroes
and as I sit here and type
I can't think a another person
who has touched, influenced and
encouraged more people to think
outside the box and learn to love words...

I am so grateful that I was born when I was and had the
opportunity to learn to read with you. For I think that if you
had not come along I would not be the avid and voracious reader that
I have been all my life. How boring were the primary readers of
Dick & Jane.. and then along came Spot. I did not,could not, would
not care if they ran, walked, rolled down that stupid hill or got run
over by a bus. In fact, it might have held my attention if they Had
gotten run over by a bus. It would serve them right for being so boring.

When I discovered you.. my LOVE for words was born. And you have
taught me so many lessons throughout my life.

You encouraged me and helped mold my self confidence first in reading and
then the ideas that I Could go where my imagination led me. It was you who
ignited that very first spark.

Later, I had the pleasure of re reading your books when my little brother started to read. The collection of books in my home was such a blessing.

You spent your entire life teaching generations of people, not just children
what I call life lessons. And you presented them in such an easy and simple manner. However tough and big the problem a person faced.. you seemed to have the simple answer. And it always made sense. The world would be a much more peaceful place among nations and within if we would all just read and listen to what you said.

I was absolutely BLESSED beyond measure when I graduated from college (Finally) and my parents gave me a copy of "Oh The Places You'll Go" with an absolutely beautiful message my sweet mom had written for me. This was the year before you died. And it is one of my most precious and treasured possessions. Everything I have faced in my life and the things that I haven't you so eloquently wrapped answers to life's joys and struggles with the ability to set my mind at ease and remind me that everything is temporary.(Yes.. I do realize that that was a bohunker of a run on sentence.. and yes.. I'm sticking with it =D ) At this moment, when faced with an issue that needs to be dealt with, I know for certain that my answer will either lie within the pages of
The Bible, your Places book, or the childrearing book written by Mr. Rogers.
If I will just calm my mind enough to remember to plug back into those.

So what an absolute JOY it has been to open your collection to my own Hoots who have discovered a love for reading and books. Today I asked Little Hoot what her favorite book was and she changed her answer 3 times. Big Hoot did the exact same thing. Now how many authors have such a vast and excellent portfolio of wonderful books? They are all great..


Cindy Lou Who
we love you
and that mean old Grinch too

And there's Bartholomew
and Daisy Head Maisy
and don't forget Thing 1 & Thing 2!!

So today before the Hoots trot off to school
I will try my hand at Green Eggs & Ham
Yes we do like them
Sam I am!!

Oh how I wish I could make a cake like the ones shown

But plain ol' cupcakes will just have to do
Cause I want my Hoots to remember you
And the lessons you've taught may they discover them too

And maybe just maybe
if the Hoots stay all right
Maybe we will catch that new
Movie one night

Thanks Dr. Geisel and Happy Birthday again
Cause you inspired us Hoots
And we treasure your gifts

For you left this big world
With much hope, sense and laughter
May we remember you always and cherish your chatter